I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Randomize
