I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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