i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Randomize
