Fine. I'll sleep in my office
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
