Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
