It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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