We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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