dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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