i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
