You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
