I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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