I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
As shirtless as possible
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
