this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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