cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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