i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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