Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
