Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
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