Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
