No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
