im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
