I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
