Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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