Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
false alarm, still single
Randomize
