you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
