I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Randomize
