I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
