god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
