I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
