you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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