also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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