jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
