That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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