you're like a bully in the Christmas story
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
