I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
