No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
