Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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