we have officially lost it.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
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