you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
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My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
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exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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