So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
we have pet lesbian snakes
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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