if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
