dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
