i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
