Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
