we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
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