WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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