How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
