i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
