apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
