Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
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