I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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