We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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