this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
