Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
