Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
