there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
