he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
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