Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
