i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize