you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
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