So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Randomize
