but the lizard people decide everything anyway
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Randomize
