sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
