I think I died a long time ago.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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