Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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