and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Randomize
