we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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