Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Randomize
