we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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